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Parenting Oppositional Adolescents
Adolescents are works in progress. At times, teens' behavior may be difficult, defiant, angry, resentful, hostile, stubborn, negative, argumentative, uncompromising, spiteful, vindictive, and "touchy." They may be verbally aggressive, persistently test the limits, lose their temper, refuse to obey household rules, argue with authority figures, refuse to take responsibility for their behavior, and seem as if their life goal is to purposely annoy you. Some of these behaviors may be a normal part of growing up and learning to become an individual. However, when negative behavior becomes extreme, lasts longer than six months, and disrupts your home, your child's school, and your child's social network, it is time to seek the help of a well-qualified counselor. Your counselor can help determine if your child's behavior is a normal part of adolescence, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, part of inattention and impulsivity associated with ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) or a learning disorder. An important part of Parenting Oppositional Adolescents is knowing when to seek help.
Parenting Oppositional Adolescents is not easy. Parenting is a long-range, time-consuming process that requires your commitment, involvement, understanding, tolerance, guidance, encouragement, and support. By the time your child reaches age 8, or reaches adolescence, they may exhibit oppositional behavior. Gradually, over several months and years, you may notice oppositional behavior in your child at home, in school, and in the community growing progressively worse. Counselors can help you and your child with difficult issues involving low self-esteem, overly high self-esteem, low tolerance for frustration, profanity, or early substance-abuse (drugs, alcohol and tobacco). School counselors, mental health counselors, and marriage and family therapists are trained to help resolve conflicts with parents, teachers and peers, helping to interrupt harmful cycles of behavior in the child's relationships. As a parent, you can help by refraining from being harsh, inconsistent, or neglecting of your child's physical, psychological, and emotional needs.
Certain circumstances are beyond the control of the adolescent; those circumstances come from their parents and grandparents. You may recognize certain patterns of behavior from the family you grew up in (family of origin) that carry over into your present family. Depressed mothers, parents involved in turbulent marriages, parental substance abuse (drugs or alcohol), pervasive anger, harshness, and condemnation, fail to provide a healthy role model for their children. Parents who fail to take responsibility for their actions, and blame other people and circumstances for their failures and mistakes, teach their children, by example, to not take responsibility for their actions. Homes where there is neglect, abandonment, or domestic violence (physical, emotional or psychological abuse) may produce children with oppositional behavior. If you suspect neglect, abuse or abandonment of a child (or elderly person, or person with a disability) in the United States, immediately call the abuse hotline at 1(800)962-2873.
People often try to control others through bullying, manipulation, fear, yelling, anger, making demands, name calling, slander, gossip, criticism, using implicit or explicit threats of harm or other consequences against you, in an attempt to control you and force you to do what they want. Boundaries set limits and establish consequences for people when they try to control you. When you establish boundaries, you let others know the way you would and would not like to be treated-what you will allow and will not allow.
In families in which a parent has ADD/ADHD or a learning disability, there is a predisposition for their child to also have ADD/ADHD, or a learning disability, which sometimes occurs with oppositional behavior. Parenting Oppositional Adolescents involves a great deal of family conflict, however there is hope for you and your adolescent. Help your child develop coping skills to assist him or her with emotional and behavioral issues. Well-qualified counselors are available to help when you are Parenting Oppositional Adolescents.
Consistent, intensive, individual therapy helps to resolve issues of depression and anger, and helps the family cope with past traumatic events. Your counselor can work with you and your child to develop a behavior modification plan for his/her home, school, and community. In-home counseling is available, using multi-systemic therapy (MST) to help families learn to interact with each other in healthy ways, in their own home. Parenting classes may help teach parents coping, parenting, communication, and appropriate discipline skills. Counselors can help parents learn methods to correct dysfunctional family dynamics, and help them implement boundaries.
Attending anger management classes at a community mental health facility may help. Substance abuse education and prevention classes may help your child; and may help you if you are a parent involved in substance abuse that is contributing to your child's oppositional behavior. Domestic violence classes and groups can help stop and prevent domestic violence.
Your child needs to develop positive social relationships and ties to the community (a social support system). School programs such as athletics, band, chorus, clubs, or ROTC may benefit your child; and there are community programs such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters and the YMCA/YWCA, in the United States that mentor adolescents, provide positive role models, provide activities, encouragement, support, and a positive community link. Parenting is not easy, but help is available when family relationships and parenting become difficult.