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Establish and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
If you are reading this, chances are that you are searching for help with one or more relationships in your life. You can Learn What It Takes to Establish and Maintain Healthy Boundaries and enjoy more fulfilling, healthy relationships. To begin, it is helpful if you understand what boundaries are. Boundaries are the "line in the sand" that you will not allow anyone to cross, without consequences. Boundaries form borders that define you, your values, expectations, what you will and will not allow in your relationships and let others know when they have gone too far.
Boundaries are both internal and external. Internal boundaries (self-discipline and self-control) come from within a person. External boundaries are limits set by outside forces, with the intent of confronting misbehavior, providing a safety net, making expectations and consequences clear. External boundaries come from authority figures and other important people in our life. Both internal and external boundaries require that people take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and speech.
Learn What It Takes to Establish and Maintain Healthy Boundaries. Boundaries define the relationship, give structure, and provide a clear sense of responsibility for actions and speech. Boundaries give people a sense of being a separate individual. This separateness helps you maintain distance between you and the other person's anger, demands and behavior, and respond appropriately without being trapped in conflict. Stay calm; maintain perspective, be honest and confront the person who crosses the line. Do not ignore the problem. Refuse to say that everything is ok, when it is not.
People often try to control others through bullying, manipulation, fear, yelling, anger, making demands, name calling, slander, gossip, criticism, using implicit or explicit threats of harm or other consequences against you, in an attempt to control you and force you to do what they want. Boundaries set limits and establish consequences for people when they try to control you. When you establish boundaries, you let others know the way you would and would not like to be treated-what you will allow and will not allow.
For boundaries to be effective, you need to communicate and be clear about your expectations. Make certain that everyone understands what is expected of each person. Be clear, concise, appropriate, and consistent. Show care toward others when you establish boundaries. Respect the other person, as you would like to be respected in the relationship. Make sure you and the other person understand and agree upon boundaries; this is what counselors call "goal alignment". Then, be patient, as the boundaries are tested. You can Learn What It Takes to Establish and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
When boundaries are crossed and you face the need to enforce consequences, think about the future of the relationship. You do not want to "win the battle and lose the war." When someone violates your boundaries, many times you can allow them to re-earn your trust. Sometimes this takes involving other people. Counselors can help you establish and enforce healthy boundaries. In healthy relationships, people care about each other; they have empathy toward one another; an emotional connection. When someone has failed to keep your boundaries, remember that the person matters as well as the relationship. It may take time for the other person to understand that their words and actions have caused damage to your relationship and to take responsibility for their actions and words. Give the relationship a chance to heal, if the damage does not threaten your physical or emotional safety, survival, and well-being.
Disconnecting from someone you care about is difficult at best, and it can be painful. You can enforce boundaries in healthy ways that help to restore the relationship. The person who violated your boundaries will react more favorably toward reconciliation if you do not criticize them. Attempt to understand what caused the person to violate a boundary. Lecturing someone who violated your boundaries will not help; instead, listen without judging the other person. Be consistent and persistent, not allowing someone to manipulate you and push you to your limit until you give in and drop the consequence. It is well worth the effort that it takes to Learn What It Takes to Establish and Maintain Healthy Boundaries.